military aviation jokes

How old are you? a tenant asked. The next day, I received a letter addressed to Sgt. Discussion Board on this Military Joke. Browse the list below to find a funny joke to tell one of your buddies. An airplane! I would stay behind and neatly print each soldiers name onto his Army-issued underwear. Killed bin Laden. During a combat medical training class, the topic was blast injuries. Laugh or cringe but please enjoy. The closets could all be mine since he wears the same thing every day. What do you use on your face to keep it so smooth? I asked. What does ARMY mean to you? The soldier immediately sat down and began digging through his rucksack. It took the poor guy all day. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you've made. One day, the pilot of a single-engine Cherokee was told by the tower to hold short of the runway while a DC-8 landed. The owner of this website does not guarantee offers on this site, and all offers should be viewed as recommendations only. I heard this one from my basic training company commander. Pre-flight briefing from Canadian Air Force Pilot If you hear me yell Eject, Eject, Eject, the last two will be echoes. Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers. Yeah, I got in a lot of trouble for that, the gunner said. I say again, stand down and divert your course. Even if you arent in the military yourself, try reading some of these out loud to someone you know in a particular branch and watch as their face lights up. What do Marines have in common with other members of the Armed Forces? Do you want to hear about my plane?. Multi Engine Training Manual When one engine fails on a twin-engine aircraft, you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash, 48. He nodded. Whats the difference between God and a fighter pilot? When the Marine finishes up, he starts to head for the door. The guy put down the paper, turned to my friend, and said, Well, there goes the light bulb.. SUB sandwiches! Put your hand up if youre the laziest., 24 men raised their hands, so the senior chief turns to the last man and says, Why didnt you raise your hand, sailor?, The sailor replies, It was too much trouble, senior chief.. I met his wife and baby and was impressed that he had all his flight gear During KP duty, my sergeant ordered me to prepare 100 gallons of soup for that nights dinner. This program is designed to provide a way for websites to earn advertising fees by linking to Amazon. Get up! Checking to see that he had everyones attention, he asked, What is the first rule?, Much to the amusement of the other instructors, 60 privates yelled in unison, Shut up, Drill Sergeant!, Army Says: HOOOOOAH! You had tents?, A drill sergeant yells at his young trainee, I didnt see you at camouflage training this morning, private!, The private replies, Well, thank you very much, sir., A general gets stuck in his Jeep on the side of the road. Every military branch thinks that theyre the best, the most important, and in their own way the hardest working. A tank ran over a bag of popcorn and apparently, two kernels were killed! She has a Bachelor of Arts in English from the University of Alabama in Huntsville. Some of the jokes on this list I first read and on their websites. A military base commander called to complain that the weather-forecasting software our company created for them kept reporting unexplainable wind shifts. The Best Short Military Jokes 1. I served in Japan, said Uncle Sid. Had a new guy conduct a boom test on a howitzer by yelling Boom! down the tube in order to calibrate it There was one particular sergeant that worried about everything possible. P | Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent. Known to bicker and make fun of each other often, its likely that those in the military have a good sense of humor. Perplexed, the fighter pilot asked, "So? A military base commander called to complain that the weather-forecasting software our company created for them kept reporting unexplainable wind shifts. Yes, she said. In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminium going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose. He grabbed a bagel and took a seat. You will not live long enough to make all of them yourself. It took the poor guy all day. The fighter jet stops whining once the engines are cut off. Why didnt the troop tell anyone about their rank in the military? A Soldier and a Marine were sitting next to each other on a plane. It was World War IIthe frontand we were on high alert. Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Waxing his plane A pilot got up bright and early, and told his wife he was going to wash and wax his plane. What do you call a deer thats enlisted in the Air Force? An Army ranger, Air Force P.J., Navy seal, and a Recon Marine. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. A military pilot requested a priority landing, because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked". Tell these quips to a friend in the service to give them a good chuckle. The other Sergeants noticed that he looked more relaxed than ever. Our instructor approached the directionally challenged Marine and stomped on his left foot. P | Engine noise at an unbelievable high level. Thanks. 4. The flight attendant on our trip was handing out plastic pilot wings to some kids. I was instructing new recruits when an officer entered my classroom to observe and report on my teaching style. 7. 3. The U.S. Air Force chooses their hotels based on the stars. Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike? Thats Daddy. Me: Still the wrong number. 2. Spread the humor by leaving a secret written joke on a neighbor's stoop, a colleague's desk, or mail it to your best friend. The Marine took off his boots and began to stretch out. When a soldier came to the clinic where I work for an MRI, he was put into the machine by an attractive, young technician. Our puns and jokes are here for the soldiers as well as everyone else to enjoy. 5. Katees passion for writing and fascination for language has forever guided her path in life. I was awakened late one night by a phone call from nearby Fort Meade, in Maryland. An officer calls a young Soldier to attention, scolding him for not attending camouflage training that morning. A military aircraft had gear problems on landing, and as the plane was skidding down the tarmac the tower controller asked if they needed assistance. Great jokes, Im an inactive Marine (58 years) but still get a kick out of this type of humor. You can see why: Its a NO FLY zone! You divertyour course! Anyone wanting to take pictures on our bases airfield needs a letter from public affairs, which happens to be me. My startled classmate sat up and responded, Place a temporary filling, sir!. Now, they are wanted for dessertion. The danger of incident is no jokein 1985, a Japanese 747 airliner lost its tail midflight and plummeted into a mountain, killing 520 in the deadliest aircraft accident involving just one plane . She also liked her scotch. They sure grow up fast, dont they?. I smiled and said, Sure was a lot of em, huh sir?. Nothing, she said. I lifted up my rifle and gave it one last try: George!! We have one or two in here! Share yours with us on our socials Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook and check out military jokes from other Vets, troops, and military support personnel! Large mahogany desk.. He had the same plane as yours. MARCH! When the general asked, Which outfit are you in? the Marine replied, Dress blues, sir, with medals!. The reason? (pointing at the sky). She also liked her scotch. My grandpa Bob was in the Navy. While serving in Vietnam, my friend and his buddies were hunkered down in a mud-filled hole that had been dug into the side of a berm and covered with lumber for protection. Reproduction of any part of this website without direct permission is prohibited. I admit itI have a tendency to exaggerate, and I was afraid when I joined the Navy that my creativity might get me in trouble. For more information about us or joining the team, check out the About Us tab. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate, 18. Some of the jokes on this list you may not fully understand or appreciate unless you were actually in the military, but most of them I think anyone can appreciate. A lieutenant stood up and asked, Is that 24 hours our time or 24 hours their time?. I have been telling the same joke for a lot of years, but today I will change it up. Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. Why do members of the military often marry lovers from the foreign countries they were deployed in? When the boy seemed confused, his father brought out a picture of himself in full Marine dress. "Ah", the fighter pilot remarked "The dreaded Seven-Engine approach", 12. Sometime later, when the examination was Coffee tastes better if the latrines are dug downstream from an encampment. They came up with that name using Operation Random Thesaurus. My dad and uncles were all in the Army during wartime, but only two of the three served overseas. 'There are bold pilots, and old pilots, but very few old bold pilots.' - 1930s Army Air Corps Sign. As A.J. When I told him I had no clue how to make soup, he handed me a cookbook and instructed, Follow the directions carefully. Our motto was We never retreat, we just backspace.. Youre the only one I can think of she wont be able to drink under the table.. USA: Choppers ", The student replied, "When I was number one for takeoff sir", 51. Do not conduct live fire exercises at the generals (unattended) jeep, even if its parked in an area clearly marked Live Fire Zone. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal, 22. Even better, have them explain the joke to you after and have a good laugh yourself. One of the reasons the Air Force, Army, Navy, and Marines bicker so much is because they dont speak the same language. Do not attempt to shave with fire. I was standing watch when an old, run-down freighter named Sagar Moti passed by. I admit itI have a tendency to exaggerate, and I was afraid when I joined the Navy that my creativity might get me in trouble. Where are you from? What kind of grades do you need to have in order to join the Navy? And we don't even wonder 'why' because one has to twiddle their thumbs one way or another. 4th of July 2022: Celebrating the Birth of Our Nation & Its Heroes, Military Appreciation Month 2022: Saluting Those Who Serve, Veterans Day 2022: Celebrating Those Whove Served. Between all the service branches there is a friendly rivalry that will always create jokes among the various branches. You do know that he could get ill from the bacteria on the toilet. In college, my freshman-year roommate was in ROTC and came from a long line of military men. During World War II, my father often found himself stuck with KP duty. On-time Arrival Obscure term meaning unknown, 63. Its important that soldiers learn from their mistakes; otherwise, theyre bound to repeat them at inopportune moments. My friend stopped, turned around, and glared at the airman. As I stepped forward, she jokingly offered me one, but I passed. As I stepped forward, she jokingly offered me one, but I passed. Choose from military jokes such as army jokes, navy jokes and marine jokes that will bring out. As I left the barbershop with sideburns in hand, I heard him ask his next victim, Where are you from? You might be in the Coast Guard if you abbreviate words so much that you forget how to spell them out. Finally, exasperated the frog asked, "What is the matter with you? The steaming jungles of Vietnam were not my husbands first choice of places to spend his 21st birthday. Discover a funny military joke about the U.S. Army with this list. 100 Hilarious Airplane Jokes That Are Surely to Take Off Unless you're a pilot, an aeronautical engineer, a hang-around traveler, or simply someone who enjoys aviation, airplane jokes are surely right up your alley. He told them "you must find your own way to this beach head for 0600 tomorrow morning, there you will be tested like never before". The soldier remarked, How long was I in there for?. Marine: Wait, stop. In an attempt to keep, the passengers from standing or moving around before taxiing was completed the Flight Attendant of an internal flight said over the PA, "Ladies and Gentlemen. How tough? with someone braver than you.'. On an internal Flight with a very Senior Flight Attendant crew, the pilot said, Ladies and Gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. The military has a long, proud tradition of pranking recruits. The Soldier agreed, and when the Marine went to get his drink he started spitting in the Marines boots. Fish Food. At one point, our very intimidating instructor pointed at me and said, Theres been a jeep explosion. Thanks for coming back for me, the airman said, jumping on the back of the scooter. In-dough-structible Any attempt to stretch fuel is guaranteed to increase headwind. Home; Jokes; Pictures; Videos; GIFs; Runway 37 Comics; Weird Wings; Today I Learned; Quizzes; Jokes. And )second As the general inspected our troops, he asked some of the Marines which outfit they were serving with. It was sheer brilliance. OHH OHOH! Since this can be an extremely stressful job for the pilots and a boring ordeal for all you lovely passengers, we have carefully compiled this list of funny one-liners about pilots to keep your spirits up. Want some really over-the-top, cheesy jokes about the military? My friend has a really toxic relationship with Navy vessels. You would think that being a submarine captain would pay well, but Ive heard that they cant keep their heads above water. My high school assignment was to ask a veteran about World War II. Each branch has its own traditional jokes that have caused a lot of laughing for many years. As a pilot only two bad things can happen to you and eventually one of them will. I've told you that I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. These one-liner jokes about the Coast Guard life are bound to make any Coastie crack up. 11. ", The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it on the ground, took off her clothing and said, "Take what you want", The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway". This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your Flight Attendants, 24. 10. WARNING: Tons of dad jokes lie ahead. So, instead, they put me in the Navy since I was a sub-marine. R-i-i-ing!) What are you doing? I asked. Do not use 27 packs of sticky notes to label everything in the barracks so the general wont have any questions during the inspection. Good judgment comes from experience. A joke told repeatedly at aviation industry conferences puts a man and a dog in an airplane. Because hes a captain in the Air Force. Mother, As the general inspected our troops, he asked some of the Marines which outfit they were serving with. 16. Since my father had served in the Philippines during the war, I chose him. Why? I asked. Unfortunately for him, our lecturer caught him. 36. Sidling right up to the student, the speaker shouted in his ear, What would you do for a patient in the event of a nuclear war? Proceed at your own risk. The steaming jungles of Vietnam were not my husbands first choice of places to spend his 21st birthday. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. Full Disclosure Here. As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Unfortunately, the sun was shining Students are great about sending our troops letters, and the troops love em. Why were the Marines invented? She observed that the men now walked over 20 paces BEHIND their wives! The only time you have too much fuel is when youre on fire. Rodrigues there? 13. Why won't you kiss me? Where is your foxhole, Lieutenant? I asked. What do you call a training sergeant whos very kind and respectful? If pilots screw up, they die. Having been an architectural draftsman in civilian life, I raised my hand. All you have to do is remove the dirt.. ", The customs agent began his interrogation "Ma'am, do you have any weapons, contraband, or illegal drugs in your possession? Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgment. He pulled out a pair of running shoes and started putting them on. While everyone was concentrating on the task at hand, I held up a spare pin and asked, Has anyone seen my grenade?. Related read: 11 of the Best Veteran Memes That Perfectly Sum Up Veteran Humor. When a Navy fighter pilot saw this, he decided to approach the man and see what he was doing. Read more. You should always use any of that variety of jokes sparingly. Basic Army training rules goes as follows: If it moves, salute it. While on maneuvers in the Mojave Desert, our convoy got lost, forcing our lieutenant to radio for help. For example, heres what happens when each of them is told to secure a building. My husbands cousin married a former Marine who now works for United Parcel Service. An officer asked if I knew what it meant. He replied, When they stopped shooting at me.. U.S. Navy Warship: Please divert your course 0.5 degrees south to avoid a collision. You can always leave the joke in a funny mug, or a pilot mug if the person is into aviation. Navy Pilot: Were flying faster than the speed of sound! The hotshot said over the air, "Anything you can do, I can do better". Why doesnt the Army football team have a website? When I enlisted in my teens, I took up smoking cigars to make myself look more mature. This is really good, he said. Warren and Joy agreed and up they went. In this great little clip, an SR-71 pilot tells a story about flying around the Western United States to build up crew hours when small plane pilots started calling into air traffic control to ask . Decodes 7. Do you have change for a dollar? It helps to keep the pilot cool. The captain returned my salute and responded, LMD 67. It was our first day on the rifle range at Lackland Air Force Base. My friend stopped, turned around, and glared at the airman. 11 of the Best Veteran Memes That Perfectly Sum Up Veteran Humor. The two lads objected strongly. 2) American combat dolphins, deployed in the Persian Gulf, surrounded and captured an Iranian battleship. 39. Can You Name All 8 United States Uniformed Services? ", Warren always replied, "I know Joy, but that helicopter ride is fifty quid, and fifty quid is fifty quid", One year Warren and Joy went to the Show, and Joy said, "Warren, I'm 85 years old. My 90-year-old dad was giving a talk at our local library about his World War II experiences. Air Force Says OKEY DOKEY?. In the 50s, I was a clerk typist at our base headquarters in Verdun, France. Anytime someone asked what his father did, hed say, Hes in the Army. I told him Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you. One day you will walk out to your aircraft NOT KNOWING that it is your last flight. Even his son turned up. This happened several times times throughout the flight. I am the PMC at a Dinner Night next week, where apart from my Boss and myself the rest of the guests are Army (from an array of cap badges). Related read: When Is Military Appreciation Month? We made a private sweep all the sunshine off the sidewalks. The Navy will turn out the lights and lock all the doors. Picking up some unidentifiable gear, I said, I didnt get one of these! If you want it any closer than that, youll have to bite em off from the inside.. During that first roll call in the Army, I waited in dread as the sergeant got to my name: DiFeliciantonio. ", "Sir" she calmly answered, "if I'd had any of those items, I would have used them by now". He had noticed that, for the umpteenth time, a recruit kept going to his right on a left command. The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. The U.S. Navy uses the stars to navigate. 17. S | Auto land not installed on this aircraft. and his platoon of recruits were marching, their sergeant slipped and tumbled down a ravine. The ships operations officer entered the messdeck, his eyes bleary and at half-mast. Emergency Checklist Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it. While in Kuwait, shortly before we deployed to Iraq, a major general told our meeting that we should expect to cross into Iraq in less than 24 hours. He then My gunnery sergeant and I were inspecting a Marine training exercise when we spotted a second lieutenant ambling about. Rather than fire a shot, I shouted out the first half My father was serving in a port city in postWorld War II Germany when a ship laden with GIs docked. ", "Yes, sir," my mother said with a sigh. What do you call a Marine that has an IQ of 160? A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. Soon after arriving at basic training, we were marched to the base barbershop, where we were told wed find a clipboard with our names on it. What did the Coastie say when his friends asked why he was getting married? 28. Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: Army territory Age: 57 Posts: 26 Likes: 0 Received 0 Likes on 0 Posts Good RAF Army Banter/Jokes As a new poster, I hope you can help me. You had tents?, USAF: Birds Death is just natures way of telling you to watch your airspeed. A drill serGENTLEMEN! The flight attendant on our trip was handing out plastic pilot wings to some kids. Since my father had served in the Philippines during the war, I chose him. Instructed a private in the mess hall to look for left-handed spatulas 8. Whats the main mission of the Marine Corps? I thought you had to be in relatively good shape to join the Marines.. What should have been the day we chose to celebrate World Military Day? My friend kept asking what my military rank was, but I kept telling him its Private. U.S. Navy Warship: We are a large warship of the United States Navy. Civilian casual tees are absolutely unacceptable. I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when my squad leader barged in. Why do flight attendants make great astronauts? I dont see it.. 4. An old Marine Sergeant was standing near the edge of the puddle with his fishing line in a puddle. Sure, its hilarious to poke fun at rival branches sometimes. A military sergeant lieutenant saying Based on my experience But I had the last laugh. In the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments, 23. 2023 The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers on this website. When I spotted a Navy captain on the street, I saluted and bellowed, LST 395, which was the designation and number of the ship I served on during World War II. Pilot "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. All you dummies fall out. As the rest of the squad wandered away, I remained at attention. The dog is there to bite the pilot if the man so much . Funny military jokes are a great way to bring some morale to our service people, so whip out a few of these military jokes at your next gathering of family or friends to get some guaranteed laughs. I walked into the orderlys room and asked Sarge if I could borrow his master key. USAF Manual It is generally inadvisable to eject over the area you have just bombed, 6. One is a SEAL, and the other is an otter! One day, convinced he could improve things, he told the head cook, If you give me a paring knife, I could peel these potatoes faster. The cook turned slowly to my father and said, Son, youre in the Army. But my fears were put Our bases Army Exchange Service carried a particular brand of underarm deodorant that I liked and bought for years. 44. The local band hired to greet them was playing a popular hit of the time, I Wonder Whos Kissing Her Now.. All images on our website are the property of their respective owners. What did you do? One day, at an event honoring veterans, a young man asked where they had been stationed.

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